JUST A WORD

I used to think a lot and now I think more than I suppose to be. And sometimes I can't understand why but human, they will keep thinking about some unimportant matter.  But may I asked? Did you ever be happy just because the day is raining, or the TV show your favourite movie, or you get to eat your favourite food, or spending your time with your beloved one? That is a meaning of happiness right? A small and simple thing that just make your day and put a smile on your face. But if you unable to find it, well can you look around until you find a smile on a face? And I dared you to ask why. Maybe the answer will shock you. A friend of mine ask me, if happiness can't be found even I wait or keep searching for it, does it mean the happiness doesn't exist for me? If you have the same question then this answer is for you.  It either this two path, you deny the happiness or you in a wrong place. When you deny the happiness, even if you search the whole universe, you will never fin...

My favourite time always in the middle of night and the best feeling ever is still stay awake at that time. Listening to some song, watching favourite movies or dramas, writing and doing some stuff. How I wish I can stay at those time and feeling forever. Because I'm not a lover of day but a loyal fan for a night. Did you feel the same thing? Like stay awake in the middle of night and wish the time can be more longer? When I still awake at the middle of night (which I always did), I had a lot of ideas on how I spend the rest of night. That was when I got some inspiration on some of my writing.  And I get to think a lot about myself but always regreting every choice that I make😂 but human can't get away from a feeling of regret.  I regret a lot of things and I know that I never did done anything that I like in the past. So from this coming age and afterwards, I will do everything that I wish I do before I regret everything. See? Awake at the middle of night make me think and f...

People know me for my craziness, my silly, and my sudden strict personality. I do crazy thing. I done a lot of silly things. And I can be strict sometimes and people who wasn't close to me will find it hard to apporach me because there is this vibe on me that kind of making me look firm. Well, just like the topic, I tend to do stupid things which sometimes I regret the most. And the most stupid thing I do was believing and hoping. I believe on something that was impossible and hoping for something that won't happen.  I believe in something that broken. I believe everything that broke can be fix. I believe it can return to it original state. I believe that some fix can make it better. But that happen few years back. Now, I'm no longer trying to do something for the broken things. Because, I saw the result when I tried to. I mess up. The whole thing become more complicated and I am sure that was the reason why I choose to live in small circle of people. I am done with fixing....

I learn to apologized. Because, I feel wrong about it. As my age going to turn soon, I realize that I need a peace. A peace for my own heart. But, I did not expect people will forgive me. Just like I said before in other writing, forgiving is the hardest thing that human need to do. But by doing it, you are strong person that try to keep your mind and heart in peace. However, it doesn't mean that by not doing it refering you as a weak person. Not, it's not. Because I do know, forgiving is hard. The fact that you are not destroying their life after hurting you, not trying to get revenge is a prove that you had a kind heart. Different people have a different approach anyway. But you know, forgiving won't change the fact that they were hurt before. Forgiving doesn't mean you will get a second chance. So, I do aware about it. Maybe apologized is a way to satisy myself that I need to say sorry for every single bad things I do. I am sorry. I am sorry that my sorry...

Being alive is a proof that I am a human. I really am. I feel the pain, I get hurt, I can cry, I know feelings. But do you treat me like I am? What does it take to convince you, I am human and I am still alive. How many tears will it take to show you I am hurt. How much longer I need to stay in pain for you to come and save me? What more you want for you to believe me?  I never seek for an answer. Because you never provide me with one. So I stop questioning but do you realize that you are slowly killling my feelings? You make me feel numb towards myself. Is this what you always want for? I walk, but alone. I cry, but alone. I talk, but alone. No wonder everything doesn't make any sense because I am walking, crying, and talking in a dark without anybody, without anyone. Numb, I wonder when it will over? I hold onto a broken rope. A rope of memory. Trying to stay because memory full of bittersweet. But I never thought I need to let go the rope. Because holding onto it wil...