JUST A WORD

Sometimes, I rather to be forgotten forever rather than being remembered. Sometimes I wish all of the memory will vanish without any trace. Because that is better. When I choose to let go and left, I choose to delete and throw everything. I choose to left everything at the last place of the memory. That why, I prefer to be forgotten so that it will be much easier for me to let go. But the funny thing is even I able to get rid of it, for some odd reason, it will return to me back. That why I really wish that I am capable to dump everything but the value of the memory is the thing that stop me. It stop me to left it behind. So i carry on while holding on the last memory. It's a proof that I am exist in someone life before. She said that you bring the memory away, far away with you and I will do the same thing. The different is, I am not turning back as I keep walking. Or running. I will never turning back. Because turning back will only hurt me. And I won't giving any risk to my ...

  They told me that hatred and revenge will never satisfied me. They told me that it will never make the pain less. They told me that it also will never comfort me. They told me that it will never bring me a good end. They even said that it will destroy me. Out of nowhere, they never ask me why? They never ask me what? They never question my reason. They never ask me the story of my side. Nobody want a negative energy inside them. But if there is a positive energy, negative will follow up. Because that is the mean of balanced. If you ask me did I still angry? No, I am not. If you ask me did I change? It depend on your instincts. But right now, I prefer living with a less people because less mean the pain will reduce. Less mean less responsibility. Less mean less feeling. Less mean less stress. Less also mean I don't have to care about lot of people. Healing my own heart is taking lot of time and cure. I afraid that it won't heal anymore so I will just live with this...

She is crying but who will know She is right but who will believe She is weak but who will trust She is tired but who will listen  Because she is the strong girl Never show her feeling as the weakness Never show her true self to other Because it doesn't matter, nobody care Hug, that all she need to feel "It's okay" that all she want to listen But nothing ever come Leaving her with a black hole in her heart Not going to trust and be trust Because either one will hurt  Without any mercy Tear flowing like a stream Putting her head on the table Wondering where everything is wrong To leave the day and for her self But nobody will looked for her Because the strong girl is leaving

 Sometimes I wonder Where thing started to went wrong To the point I started to giving up Ran away as far as I can It keep coming Day by day it torture me Believe me I am trying To make sure it went away And never come back But it always come strong It knock me out Let me suffer little by little If you ask me am I happy Yes I am but I know I don't even know what is happy Does it really matter for us to be happy Because if you ask me right now I don't have the right answer for you Those broken part I try to fix it But the more I try to fix, it become worse I hide it well inside myself Wear different mask to cover it up But when the mask gone I am no longer hiding it up Take a step to away so that No one can see me anymore

I've always told my mom that I want to go back to my childhood. Because I'm having a lot of fun with friends. I'm not worried about my study, my money or my job. I could have dreamed of as much as I want, but now I'm afraid of a dream. I can play mud, or swim in my grandma's pool, or even play the whole time, but now I can't even afford to think about joy. I used to hang out with a lot of friends, but now my circle is getting smaller. The one I'm using to play catch with is a stranger. Someone that i used to crush on is nobody. Someone that I used to offend is unknown. It makes me think that if this is what my life is going to be like, I prefer to stay forever in my childhood with my memories which are impossible. But life is the thing that keeps me moving forward. Everyone need to grow up and have a life. Childhood will become a memory, and the future will become a life. I used to love reading, but I love writing now. I used to get out and meet new people, ...