ERASE

If you could erase one of your feeling, what will it be? That thought always came across. And now, it come more frequent. 

When I give a deep thought about that, I really want to erase a feeling called love. Why? Well, I get hurt and in pain all of the time because of love. My tears? It's all because of love. All of the scars exist because of love.  The reason who I am right now because of love.

And when I stop loving, I think I will stop protecting anyone. I will stop care about them. I will stop doing my best for them. I will stop meddle in their business. I will stop having any people with me that need to trouble themself for me.

Then, I think all of the other feeling will totally equal with each other. Because I do believe, the happiness, sadness, madness, craziness, it do came from a love. Any types of feeling called love, I do want to erase it. 

Because when I love anyone, I started to become so protective that I forgot I need to protect myself. I started to cry and feel happy for them. I started to care and yes, that kind of stuff really crush me sometimes. 

And now, I grew up, I think the people that I love so much once, was not going to love me the same anymore because they do have someone special for them, enough for them to believe on something that I never do. Enough for them to think they are not in my mind anymore when every single time, I cried for their names just to ask me what I am doing? Am I okay? But yes, no. Enough for them to think I am strong and happy when I am so exhausted. 

So, I choose to let go. One by one. And when the time come, I will choose to be alone. There are some people that I can't let go but I still choose to let go because I can't keep up with them anymore. They are bless to have someone that dear to them, love them more than I do.

I won't bother anymore, won't care or even protect anymore. The destruction of myself, I can't bring anyone with me. It's time for me to face it alone.  And that is the reason why I would erase that feeling.